Happy New Year
Hello Everyone! As I look ahead to 2020, I wanted to take a few minutes to look back at the years gone by and look ahead at what’s to come in the months and years ahead. Before I get into any of that though, I wanted to send a very big Thank You to all of you who have followed along on this adventure. It’s been a heck of a ride. Over the course of the last two years, I’ve learned a lot, seen and been to so many wonderful new places, made new friends and caught up with old friends I haven’t seen in many years. I’ve loved and lost and laughed and cried. There have been successes and failures, epic highs and tremendous lows. Through it all though, I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without my family, my friends and all of you wonderful people who have decided to come along for the ride. So thank you and a very Happy New Year to you all. I hope 2020 is a wonderful and prosperous year for us all.
The Good
When I set out on this journey, my hope was to be able to spend some real time in each state - to get to know it and find out what makes it tick. Each of our states is an island of sorts and while there are things that are common among them, each has its own history, characteristics, language, food and culture. Each is fascinating and different in its own way, and the best part of this trip for me has been figuring those things out. I would say that while I could have spent so much longer in each of the ten states I visited, I came away from each with a pretty good understanding of the things I went there to find. Not one has disappointed me and not one has failed to surprise me.
In each of the states I have visited, I’ve found wonderful and hospitable people who were eager to share their knowledge and love of their home or adopted state. People are proud of where they are from, and they should be. I’ve enjoyed great stories, wonderful meals, fantastic music and beautiful art and culture everywhere I’ve been. And while each of the states I have visited also has a great deal of tragedy involved in its history, I have been grateful to meet people who were willing to discuss these aspects as well, giving me a fuller picture and better understanding of the places I have been. From the Civil War to Civil Rights to the Cherokee Trail of Tears to the Impeachment of Andrew Johnson, I’ve found fascinating people willing to open up and have in-depth discussions and answer all of the questions I can think of (and I have a lot!). A state, after all, is just a plot of land - it’s the people who truly make a place what it is.
The people who have meant the most to this journey though (besides my family), are the friends who have opened up their homes and hearts to me over the last few years. Some have been people I’ve known forever, some are people I haven’t seen in years and a few have been just friends of friends I had never met before. These friends have opened their doors to me, fed me, given me a warm, safe place to lay my head and listened to my stories of the Good, the Bad and the Ugly of life on the road. I don’t know if I would have made it this far without these safe harbors to pull into every now and again. You live the vanlife with one ear open when you sleep, and it’s only in a safe spot that you can truly get a good night’s rest. A million thanks to all of the friends who have offered a roof for a weary traveler.
I had hoped when I set out to be able to document and share my journey in so many different ways: through words, photos, videos and my podcast. While I have found that there are simply not enough hours in the day to make all of those projects happen with just me out here, I have been able to find some nice grooves and have had some great successes along the way. Unfortunately, entirely too much of my mind activity - my personal think-space - has been preoccupied with one thing for most of this trip (see The Bad for more on this). Because of this I haven’t been able to focus as much on writing and creating as I would have liked, but I have found a wonderful outlet in my photography. Photography has always been something I was interested in. From a young age I was taking what I thought were very artsy photos on my little Kodak Ektralite Pocket Camera with a built in flash and 110 film cartridges. While most of those photos were not great in any way, they were providing me with a foundation and a love of photography. When I finally jumped into the digital age with my first DSLR, I was off and running and never looked back. Even on my worst days out here, my camera has been my constant companion and shooting photos has given me what I needed - whether an outlet for my creativity or a distraction from the cycles in my head. The ability to take the photos I have has been incredibly rewarding and has saved this trip for me.
Over the last 25 months, I have taken probably over ten thousand photos. I have sorted and edited and published more photos than I can count. Each and every one has been a piece of me and a piece of this journey. When you have seen them, I hope they have brought you joy, inspired you to create your own art or to travel to somewhere new or just made you smile and reminded you there is a lot of world out there. I am very grateful that my photos have found their way into books, magazines, newspapers and even onto a few peoples’ walls. I love the fact that I have a photo in the Ohio State Tourism Brochure and in several nationally syndicated magazines. The biggest thrill of this side of the journey, though, was being chosen for the cover of the newest French Edition of Pat Conroy’s The Prince of Tides. Getting my photo on the cover of a book was, for me, the pinnacle of what I’m trying to do with my photography and it was such a huge accomplishment. It’s tough being a photographer these days since everyone has a camera, but I’m going to keep plugging away at it and see what comes of it.
I’ve also produced 20 podcast episodes during that time - a process which I had no idea would be as time-consuming as it has been. American Anthology was a way of focusing myself to just a few stories for each state and learning as much about them as I can. While the process has gotten easier with practice, it still takes a lot to get it done. I will get my second Alabama podcast out this week, and then I will be completely caught up with it. I’m going to take a break from it for a while and see if I can get some more people to listen in and make it worth continuing. To all of those who listen to my podcast or have at least given it a try, I say thank you. It’s a labor of love and another part of this journey I’ve really enjoyed. If you have friends that like history and/or podcasts, I’d love it if you sent them my way.
My van, Shadow Catcher, has been a huge success on this trip as well. I was so happy when I found it, in a cold parking lot in Michigan, and knew it was the right carriage for this journey. It’s been my home, my transport, my warm bed on cold and rainy nights, my storage space, my photo lab and podcast studio (in a pinch), and my constant companion. While we’ve had our moments, I really can’t complain about how well she’s done. It’s simply a great model and I would recommend it to anyone (it’s a ‘98 Coach House 192KS Widebody). I’m enjoying cleaning her up and out right now, and making some much needed repairs, and then we will re-outfit for the next leg of the journey and be better than ever. The comfort of this journey has been largely due to a long and thorough process to find just the right van to make it all work, and I certainly did.
Through it all, the good definitely outweighs the bad, and this is just a glimpse into those things I’ve been happy with or proud of or just simply enjoyed. If I wasn’t having a good time out here or learning and growing as a person I would have given it up long ago. As it is, I feel like I’m really just getting started.
The Bad
I lost my grandmother just a few weeks into my trip. She was 94 years old, and her body simply wasn’t going to keep going any longer, but she was sharp as a tack right up until the end. I was really glad that my mom and I got her out in her wheelchair to see my van and hear about the adventures I was about to go on before I left. She always thought whatever I was doing was fascinating and I was glad I got to spend some time with her over the few years before she died. I was also very grateful to be there with her at the end and to hold her hand and tell her I wasn’t going anywhere. I know she was ready, but she was also scared and my mom and I sat with her all day every day that last week. I had never watched anyone die before, nor had I wanted to, but this was my grandmother who had done everything within her power to help me throughout my life, and I wanted to be with her in that time. It was hard, but I’m glad I was there. I really wish she had been able to see that book cover though. She was an avid reader and I know how much of a kick she would have gotten out of that. I brought it with me to visit her at the cemetery on the 2nd anniversary of her passing a few weeks ago, and told her some of the stories from my journey. I know everyone has their time, and 94 years was a pretty good run, but I miss her.
While I was home last Christmas, I had my first physical in many years. Although I try and take care of myself and eat well and exercise regularly, I’m in my 40s now and thought it would be a good idea to get a check-up. The physical was fine, but a week into 2019 I was hiking down a trail in Florida when my doctor called with the results of my blood-work. He told me I had diabetes and high cholesterol and would need to be medicated and make some serious lifestyle changes. That was very hard to hear. I feel like my diet and exercise patterns are better than most Americans, but sometimes it’s just in your genes. Those first few months I struggled to improve all of these things, and it really added stress to the journey. In the end, I made a lot of necessary improvements to my personal health, and look back at getting that information as a positive thing. I went to the doctor this morning and got back significantly better results. My health is something I need to be more mindful of, as I plan on being around for a while. This was a real kick to my morale this year, but in the end it was for the best.
This trip has brought with it much reward, but very little in the financial sense. I had really hoped to be working with local people and businesses as I went, selling photos, running ads, writing for people and getting sponsors for my podcast. All of which I hoped would extend the trip as it extended my savings. Unfortunately I’ve found it difficult to make a lot of inroads in any of these ventures. I’ve sold some photos and done some wonderful collaborations, but all of that combined would pay for about a month on the road. I am hoping to change all of that as I go, and have some exciting new ideas for getting my message out and for some new things on offer for the future. You’ll have to stay tuned to find out more about that though. I’m incredibly grateful to have a good relationship with the tour company I’ve spent most of the last 20 years working for. To be able to go back and run tours for a few months to replenish my savings account is pretty incredible. I get to stay on the road, don’t have to sign a lease somewhere and can really make it all work without having to give up on this dream. I love running tours, and am happy to have been able to make the financial side of this trip up with a few months of showing people this beautiful country of ours. I definitely plan on going back to work for them next summer as well. While it would be great to just be working on these projects, it gets lonely out here and getting back to working with people was a real plus as well. Only the future knows what it holds though, but I’m ready to head into it with open arms and an open mind and heart.
When I had originally conceptualized this trip, I was alone and content to be so. I put together a plan, got excited about it and set out to earn the money that would make it possible. Everything went pretty well in the years it took me to get this project off the ground. As I was beginning my last summer before I hit the road, with the end clearly in sight, I met someone. On the one hand, it was terrible timing, but on the other it seemed too good to pass up. Like it was meant to be. There were just so many things I liked about her and I was so happy and in such a good mood as it was, it seemed like maybe everything was falling into place. Things seemed to move very quickly in our relationship and I thought I had found what I had been looking for my whole life - that this was what all the songs were talking about. She also happened to be at a unique time in her life where she found herself with no ties, no debt, no long-term plans. I was guiding tours in Alaska that summer, and she came to visit me and we traveled so well together. She seemed full of curiosity and adventure and, it seemed, loved me for who I actually was - a gypsy, a vagabond, a road warrior. After what seemed like a lot of thought, I asked her to come with me. I don’t regret having asked her, but I definitely regret a lot of things about how it all played out.
She seemed happy and excited for the opportunity. While I knew that if she came along, this trip would probably never make it to all 50 states, it didn’t matter. We would do it for a while and make memories and have adventures together and then figure out what came next. I would write and take photos and she would write and draw and paint and do all the things she loved and we would be together driving into the sunset. Of course all of that was well and good but in that moment this was all just an idea. I had done a lot of thinking and a lot of research, but I still had to buy a van and outfit it, build a website, start my podcast, set things up on social media - so many things went into getting this off the ground, and it took a few months to make it all happen. I should have included her in all of that, but the whole thing was new for her and I wanted her to make her own plans and work on getting her own stuff together for the trip. I worked for a few months getting everything in place and things were really starting to come together. And then one day she was gone. Not literally, of course, but she was. Maybe I missed all the signs, but it seemed like one day we were planning a future together and the next she was telling me she didn’t want to go. That really hurt me - the fact that she didn’t want to go. It felt like if she didn’t want to go, she should’ve known that at any time in the year leading up to that point and let me know (and clearly she did know all along, but it was only when it was almost time to start packing that she chose to tell me). At first I was devastated, but then I wanted to spend the summer with her at her home in Florida and see what we could work out. Maybe we would go, maybe we wouldn’t or maybe I would go and she wouldn’t, but I wanted to try and work that out with her in person with time stretched out in front of us. She said no.
I couldn’t leave on this trip after that. My heart was crushed and my morale went from Top of the World to Down in the Dumps. I went back to guiding tours for the summer and tried to clear my head and figure things out with her. She sank deeper and deeper into a depression that I couldn’t seem to help. I read everything I could about depression and anxiety. I read and then sent her book and resources I thought would help. I sent her beautiful photos every day and told her how much I supported and loved her. She just kept telling me she didn’t need to work on it, she would just “snap out of it”. Over the course of that summer, I wrote her a long letter telling her about what I was thinking, how much I loved her and how much I wanted to try and work things out. i poured my heart and soul into that letter, showing more of my vulnerabilities than I would have liked, but I wanted it all out on the table. I sent the letter. She got it. She never opened it.
It was then and there that I decided it was time for me to wind some things up and get in the drivers’ seat and go. A few days after I left, she sent me text messages telling me she wanted to see me, telling me we could “run away together” (wasn’t that Plan A?). I worked out a plan for her to come - for as long or as short as she wanted. It was winter in West Virginia, which was not the original plan, but at that point, six months after my original planned departure date, it was The Plan. I was okay with the cold and dark, but I didn’t think she would be. I came up with a lot of good ideas and was excited that she wanted to see me and maybe, just maybe we could make it all work somehow.
She never came. In fact, within a few days it seemed like she had forgotten she had ever mentioned coming in the first place.
I’m going to fast-forward through the rest of it. I saw her twice on this trip, both in her little corner of Florida. Both were remarkably uncomfortable. Both times it seemed like she really wanted to see me right up until I was there, and then came up with every possible excuse not to. The last time I saw her (this past February), will be the last time. At least for a very long time. She took a lot of me over the last three years - not, in my opinion, maliciously or with intent, but she did. I’m not going to lie, it took everything I had left, every ounce of self-respect, self-care and self-love to walk away from her. I was very grateful that I had a wonderful and dear friend to stay with that night, not far away, to talk me through it and give me a big hug.
I haven’t talked to her since. She told me she was happy with her new career and new boyfriend and that it was the happiest time of her life. So it was definitely time for me to make my exit and leave her to it. It’s this which has occupied my every thought throughout this trip though. She was usually my first thought in the morning and my last as I drifted off to sleep at night. When I set out on this trip, I wanted to share with the world my thoughts and feelings and ideas on the places I was and on travel and the world in general, but that has simply been impossible. Because all of my thoughts were of, about, or for her. And I guess I’m okay with that. I know she is okay, and that she is happy and when you love someone that is all you can ask for sometimes. But it’s now time for me to move on from all of that and start back down my own path again - as I was before I met her - alone and content to be so.
The Bad of this journey is all just a part of the process. It’s the way life is sometimes, especially if you’re really out living it. I take my failures in love and in business as lessons learned. I know that all of these things are for the best in the long run, and the world simply has different plans for me. My destiny is still out there somewhere, and again, I’m heading towards it with open arms.
The Ugly
The road hasn’t always been a pretty place. It’s lonely out there in ways that many people can’t possibly imagine, and I’ve spent most of my life on the road. But I’m used to being with people and having my alone time be an amazing break from all of that. Now I’m alone most of the time and it can really eat at a person. I’ve always been a personable person, but find it difficult to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Not only that, but the last few years before I set out I was working loooong seasons as a tour guide. In that kind of work, if you want to be successful, you put a lot of yourself out there, telling stories and telling your story over and over and over again. That’s part of the gig, and if you don’t want to do that, you’re in the wrong line of work. But it means that you put yourself out there a lot, and talking about yourself when you aren’t in that position can be exhausting. As excited as I am about this journey, and as much as I wanted to share it with others, I found talking about myself repetitive and tedious. Which kind of defeats the whole purpose of a blog haha. But it’s true. I plan on putting more of me into this project from here on out and you may get to know me a whole lot better. I can take some pretty pictures, but there’s a lot to the man behind the camera too. As I begin working on a book about the last year and a half - all the places, highs and lows, I feel myself coming out in the words more and more. Hopefully you won’t have to wait for the book to get to know me better, but hopefully if I can get it finished, you’ll want to have a read and take a real peak behind the curtain at these last couple of years.
I have made some great connections on this trip, but mostly it’s been with people in places like state parks and historic sites - where I had some purpose in sparking up a conversation (and most of these places are pretty quiet, so they probably don’t have many better options than jawing with me for a while). Outside of those spaces, though, I find it difficult to talk to people. I often simply crave being around people, which often leads to a bar. I’ve definitely drank too much on this trip. Sometimes out of loneliness, sometimes boredom, sometimes just the need to feel nothing for a while - to push all the garbage out of my mind and replace it with blankness for a minute. I know as well as anyone that none of this works. Drinking adds to depression and anxiety, negatively affects my health and my morale and usually leaves me worse off than before. But it’s a very old crutch and it’s hard to break out of old habits. It’s time, though, long past it rather, to be making better decisions.For my health, my morale, my dreams and my future. I’m enjoying a lot of tea these days and hope to be able to find more positive places to spend my time, energy and money in the months to come.
The partisan politics in America has gotten out of control in the last 20 years. I think I have a better take on this than most people, but it’s really devastating to watch as I travel. I can tell you that American politics is all about dividing people. The politicians have carefully chosen issues which really drive wedges between people and fire them up, and then they throw gasoline on those fires whenever they can. They get us to fight each other and divide our communities and our country based on the very few issues which can have that effect. Then they quietly pass bills which benefit the wealthy, give them tax breaks and benefits. They are the reverse Robin Hoods, taking from the poor and giving to the rich. And both parties are at fault for this. Over the course of my life, I have traveled all over the country and met people from all corners and all walks of life. And we get along just fine. We would be able to agree on so many things from infrastructure to jobs to education. And maybe, if people were open minded enough, we could have discussions about the difficult issues too and find compromise, because there is compromise. I’ve seen this all with my own eyes for decades. But the politicians, and the money that puts them in office, are a problem. We need to fix the system and the election process if we ever expect real change. These days politicians and news agencies and plenty who masquerade as both are misreporting, misrepresenting and sometimes straight-up making things up. They create infighting where there would be none and they do it on purpose. If we want to make America great, we’re going to have to reach out to each other more and better. I know that we are about to head into an election cycle, and it may be the most divisive one since 1860. I hate what’s about to happen in this country and I hate that there isn’t really anything I can do about it but be good and kind to people and hope that that makes a difference.
With all of these things going on, I’ve found that throwing myself into my work has been a good distraction. I’ve come up with some really good stuff over the last couple of years, but I’ve also buried myself in it. I haven’t been out enjoying this trip and these places as much as I want to, and that has to change. I’ve waited my whole life for this trip and I’ve let people, most notably myself, get in the way of the dreams I had for this journey. I need to take better care of myself, manage my time better and enjoy the journey. That is my New Year’s Resolution, and I’m looking forward to seeing what I can make of it.
And I’m ready to get out and do just that. I’ll be out enjoying the first half of this year on my own, in my van, with my camera at the ready. I’m going to write more, work on this book and try and have some more fun as I go. I need to talk to more people more often and see where it will all lead me. As I get ready to leave on this trip for the second time, I feel pretty good. A lot of the load I’ve been carrying feels lifted, or at the very least shifted. Almost like a clean slate in many ways. I feel better physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally than I have in a very very long time. I’m excited.
So off I will go in a little over a week’s time. I’m going to stop and see my dad in West Virginia for a minute and then I’m headed south to Mississippi to start the next leg of the journey. Corinth and Shiloh Battlefield are my first stop on the next leg of this journey. I hope you’ll come along for the ride…
-Mike